Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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