Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
