yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
