I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
