You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This toilet bowl is my home.
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