Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm both gender and math confused
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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