i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
