You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
