Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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