I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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