I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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