Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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