we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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