dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
