This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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