I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
