Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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