Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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