That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
