you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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