So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
