is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
