it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
