New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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