oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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