Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
