Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
