I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize