I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
