i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
