Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
