No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
