very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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