i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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