Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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