i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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