We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
