ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
