Kiss
Puke
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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