apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
