I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
