He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
