What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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