I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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