we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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