DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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