My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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