You made me cry and you don't even care
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
