If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
