Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
