New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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