We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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