she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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