if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
false alarm, still single
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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