How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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