With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
