I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
