today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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