They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
