Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
vagina is talking i cant
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
