Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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