Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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