i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
two words...techno handjob
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
