I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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