I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
