he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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