She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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