real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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