Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry blaxarbush911 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(775): View more from Nevada

If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.

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(951): View more from California

I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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(214): View more from Texas

I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.

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(425): View more from Washington

Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.

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(559): View more from California

You stopped loving me for a minute.

(248): View more from Michigan

You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.

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