Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
