Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
