Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Even my vagina gasped.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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