I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
