Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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