the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
