he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize