I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
