My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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