I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
