i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there was a trapeze. enough said
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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