Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
