Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
