But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
