where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize