my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
