a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
