You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
