party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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