That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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