My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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