He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
