Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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