god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i love accidental penises.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
